The Eight Disciplines of Planned Change: Conscious Use of Self

The Disciplines of Managing Change in Human Systems

On behalf of creating effectiveness within each of the prescribed stages of change, the eight disciplines are important. They are: Conscious Use of Self, Systems Thinking, Sound and Current Data, Feedback, Infinite Power, Learning from Differences, Empowerment, and Support Systems. These disciplines directly support the notion of the empowerability of human systems and the people that live and work within them. Accordingly, they also support the use of collaborative strategies and tactics aimed at open communication and consensual decision-making. We call them disciplines because of their necessity. Bobby McFerrin in his tune “Discipline” chanted “for those who have been trained by it, no discipline seems pleasant at the time but painful.” We take that to reflect our experience that not being disciplined seems pleasant in it’s easiness, but painful when we don’t get the results we want.

Conscious use of self: #1 of Eight Disciplines for Planned Change

The primary tool that anyone wishing to manage change in a human system uses is the configuration of intellectual, emotional, and physical energies that we call our Self.  Our Self includes our personality, our various abilities (particularly our ability to learn) and our idiosyncrasies. Most of us have only begun to recognize and develop full command of these energies. Most of us respond to many situations automatically. These automatic or habitual responses are the result of over-learning. Over-learning is the application of an appropriate learning from past experiences and applying it too broadly to every other set of similar situations. Over-learning gives us an automatic approach to life which works much of the time. Who need to be conscious of every step we take and every word we say? However, when we want to manage change in some human system to which we belong those automatic behaviors too often don’t work.

In the same vein, the way we define parts of ourselves as OK and other parts as not OK is another hindrance to effective use of self. Too often we deny the large portions of ourselves that we define as not OK. We want to see ourselves as male, not female or female, not male. We want to see ourselves as ‘nice,‘ never as ‘mean.’ In this manner, we deprive ourselves of the inherent flexibility that comes with the multiple aspects and attitudes that make up our fundamental integrity. We often judge ourselves harshly in ways that prevent us from using the totality of ourselves that could be needed to get the changes we want.

In the processes of effective change management we need all the personal flexibility we can muster. How we use ourselves in one situation with one person is not likely to be very effective in another, though similar situation. A part of that flexibility is the ability to notice when we might be mistaking our assumptions for real data. This is a pervasive pitfall in the world and in managing change in human systems. (More on this issue in a later blog in this series.)

Effective, Conscious Use of Self calls for learning how to be aware of and choose behavior that will be effective in the present situation. As we move with practice toward mastery, we will be more and more able to behave in such a manner that the systems within which we wish to manage change will respond in ways consonant with our goals and intention. Such mastery can be difficult and at times fraught with frustration.  To help with those situations check out my next blog “Conscious use of self and Choice Points!” Learn to Make a Difference in the World of People, Teams, and Organizations http://bit.ly/zFCNfv

People, Fishes and Conflict

As a scuba diver I am witness to a host of differences among fish, yet they seem to live in relative peace. I see three-foot long barracuda with jagged teeth hanging not too far from scads of two-inch blue or brown chromis and slightly larger purple Creole wrasse. I see spotted drum of black and white stripes and polka dots living in proximity to parrotfish of rainbow colors.

There’s more I could share about the fishes of all differences of color, size, shape, gender configurations, etc., but the point is that fishes have all kinds of differences to which they don’t seem to pay any attention unless they are hungry. Then one fish is likely to eat another fish—but it’s a matter of life and death, of physical survival. Oh, I suppose I’ve seen skirmishes over territory, but these are minor and short-lived with no damage to either. They live in a world that is relatively conflict-free.

People, on the other hand, have exponentially fewer inherent differences of color, shape, size, etc., yet manage to use them to create conflict with extraordinary regularity. If there are no inherent differences we are more than capable of using differences of preference, opinion, and belief to create conflict—as if they were matters of life and death—when the only things that are at stake are our dear little egos.

As an organization development consultant, psychologist, former human resources director, and just plain human being I have spent over 30 years witnessing, working with, and informally but diligently studying conflictual situations of all kinds.

In addition, I have suffered the pain of the almost seven decades of conflicts and power struggles that have been created and dealt with in my own life. Accordingly, I’d like to think that I have gained some modicum of wisdom that might help others moderate, or at least modulate, the phthisic and enervating conflicts that are part of their lives at work and at home.

I plan to share such wisdom as it is through a blog series of which this is the beginning, through my twitter account @michaelfbroom, through a five part webinar series, and a book that just might result from all of this!

The plan is to offer a few paragraphs each week in this blog, which will also announce the webinars when they are ready. In other words, stay tuned!

Michael F. Broom, Ph.D.

October 3, 2011

Conflict, Connection and Conscious Use of Self

There is not much of any significance that we can accomplish by ourselves. Whether it is a project at work or wanting to enjoy our time with others in our personal lives, we must successfully connect with others. Of course, there are those with whom we find it easy to connect, such as those who already know us and accept us, and those who are much like us. This includes those who may be of like minds, beliefs, attitudes, and histories as well as those who are like us politically, spiritually, racially, ethnically, and gender- and sexual preference-wise.

Prior to the 1960’s we tended to live and work with folks like ourselves, and connecting with others was relatively easy (not withstanding the occasional argument we might have with co-workers, friends, and family). However, since the 60’s we increasingly find ourselves socially and vocationally with others quite different from ourselves. Out of habit—on automatic—we tend to be uncomfortable with such a load of differences. Accordingly, we tend to try to avoid them, ignore them, convert them, suppress or oppress them, or fight with them.

Of course, it is the latter that is behind the conflicts that populate our lives and world regarding any of the differences already noted. Team conflict from such differences can compromise organizational performance. In the same manner conflict over differences in personality preferences can hamper marital harmony.

Being on automatic in these ways serves neither my ability to grow as a person, to enhance the productivity of the teams where I might encounter those differences, nor my ability to contribute to peace on this planet. Instead, I might consciously choose to make different options:

• I might intentionally and deliberately choose to believe that being uncomfortable is OK. I’ve been uncomfortable before and survived it just fine!
• While being uncomfortable, I might choose to be curious about you and others who are different from me. I might even be interested and appreciative of who you are and what you share with me—none of which requires me to agree with you!
• Finally, I might learn something. I might learn something about you and what you have to say. But, mostly I might learn something about me that might make me a better person.

We can choose to be conscious of our ability to consciously connect across those differences we use to make ourselves uncomfortable. Accordingly, we would empower ourselves to mitigate and alleviate suppression, oppression, and conflict on behalf of learning, harmony, and peace at home, at work, and in the world!

Intention As a Primary Aspect of Conscious Use of Self

Have you ever intended to do one thing – like exercise more or spend more time with your kids – and done another? Or, maybe, you intended to stop doing something that you kept on doing – like not paying your bills on time or driving someone away when you want to be close to them? More often than we might like we find ourselves behaving in ways that are contrary to our personal or professional well-being. I know, the devil made you do it!

At these times the unconscious, automatic part of ourselves is driving our behavior rather than our conscious selves. Accordingly, intention is a primary aspect of conscious use of self when our automatic behavior is getting us other than what we want or would be good for us.

But what to do about it? Of course, several books have been (and still could be) written about such dilemmas. For the purpose of this blog, however, we will briefly explore a basic five-step process that can often be helpful without having to spend money on a therapist.

Here they are:

1. Slow down! Not easy, but we’re not talking about doing easy things.
2. Write down a description of the automatic behavior that you want to change, along with the behavior that you consciously intend. Occasionally, this step is all that you need. If it is insufficient go to Step 3.
3. Write down the emotions, the feelings, that accompany the automatic behavior.
4. Write down the thoughts that drive or justify that emotion. If you can change your thoughts, you will change the emotion, and that will allow you to change your behavior. Often our thoughts are not based on sound and current data and are amenable to change once we check out the information upon which our thoughts are based. If that doesn’t work go to the next step.
5. Write the beliefs that underlie your thoughts. Notice if that belief is useful to your conscious intention. If it isn’t, what belief or beliefs might be more useful? Changing beliefs that are not useful is a transformational process that is not easy, but it is extremely powerful.

Give it a try and remember that practice makes perfect.

For more in-depth discussion about Conscious Use of Self and practice in replacing automatic actions with intended actions, check out this module, Conscious Use of Self: Where It All Starts.

The Importance of Being Conscious of Our Intentions

There are three critical aspects to conscious use of self when it comes to managing change, when we want improve the dynamics of some human system be it at work or in our personal lives. They are intention, connection, and ego management.

Intention has to do with the goals and outcomes we desire. Habitually, our intentions are often out of consciousness, leaving us with behaviors from past experiences and teachings. These would have us protect ourselves and/or be well thought of via behavior which worked at some point in our lives, but which may not be effective in the present circumstance.

For example, when we find ourselves in potentially conflictual situations, unconscious intentions might have those of us who are conflict avoidant behave unobtrusively and agreeably—even when we do not agree. Accordingly, we might often find ourselves having agreed to tasks that we really don’t want to do. Still on automatic, with the unconscious intention to avoid responsibility for my negative circumstance (after all I was unobtrusive and friendly), I find myself blaming (under my breath, of course) those who asked me if I would do the task that I didn’t want to do.

I’ll share how we might be conscious in our intentions in my next blog! Then, connection and ego management!