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Articles | From Conflict to Curiosity

Curiosity, A Tool for Managing Conflict

Conflict: Any dispute over goals, strategies, facts, or values in which the parties involved are attempting to establish the virtue of their position(s) over another position.

Emotional conflict: Any dispute over goals, strategies, facts, or values in which the sense of identity or self-esteem of either party is attached to winning or losing the dispute. It is this form of conflict that is difficult for many people.

To Resolve Such Conflicts:

  1. Maintain a win/win perspective in which everyone can be satisfied rather than a win/lose perspective in which everyone will lose in the long run.
  2. Check your assumptions about the other person, particularly assumptions about the other person motivations. If you have to assume anything about the other person, assume that they have good intentions just like you do.
  3. Be Curious, Interested, and Appreciative. Listen to the perspectives, opinions, beliefs, and emotions of each person.
    • Be curious and ask about each person's position and point and view and what s/he wants. You just might learn something!
    • Be interested in how each person came to their position and how it might work.
    • Be appreciative of each person's depth of feeling regarding their point of view.
    • Then, check out your perceptions and interpretations to be sure of your understanding.
  4. Be clear and specific
    • Your intention to resolve the conflict or your intention to win
    • And what you want.
  5. Be persistent and patient until both you and the other party have reached a resolution that is mutually satisfying.
    • Take as much time you need. Hours may be necessary. It is OK to stop when tired to continue at a better time.
    • Use support people to be sure that the win/win focus is maintained.
  6. Keep your sense of self-esteem or approval in your own hands! Don't give it away.